Geeks Trying To Be Funny » rumors

Even More iPhone 5 Rumors

christian — Wed, 07 Sep 2011 01:54:30 +0000

Since there a lot of rumors out there, most of which, unfounded, I thought I’d jump on the bandwagon just so I can have my share of that sweet piece of traffic pie. It seems everyone is releasing leaks, mock-ups, pics, bar room small talk about anything that even remotely refers to the upcoming iPhone just to draw in site views. Now, remember, these are rumors; there’s no way to verify them. Besides, you can’t do anything if I just pulled these out of my ass.

A tie-up with Victorinox will make the new iPhone even more useful. Need to open a can? There’s an app for that. Need to pick your teeth? There’s an app for that.
The recent flurry of design patent applications indicate aside from projectors, self-untangling earphone cords and wrap-around touch-screen, the new iPhone now has a real airplane mode. Your phone will actually transform, just to rebutt this.
In order to combat Android infiltration, aside from releasing an 8GB “budget” iPhone, Apple will now also sell concrete bricks with an Apple logo on them.
Just to live up to the “magical” tags that the Grand Jefe would always use to describe Apple products, the new iPhone 5 will now accept voice commands, with some reserve keywords. Being with iPhone 5 users now would either feel like a Harry Potter or anime battle scene. “Searchus Contactus Patronus!” “Loncho aipodo no jutsu.” iPhone 5 users would sound like either overzealous geeks or they have Tourette syndrome.
And speaking of transformers, the iPhone 5 will detect any nearby Samsung android products and transform into a robot so it could destroy said Samsung device.
The didn’t announce this during the unveiling of the iOS5 but the OS will have an RDF generator. Steve Jobs may no longer be CEO but the Apple SW engineers have managed to make the iOS output an equivalent reality distortion field for greater reach. You no longer have to be touching an Apple product to get the same, almost-religious feeling. You just need to be near an up-to-date iOS device.

Now, maybe I could just quote Florian Mueller here and maybe have this post linked to by Apple fanboi websites.

Beast, Final Installment

christian — Sun, 13 Apr 2008 16:00:27 +0000

Previously, on Beast…

Click here for the final installment of Beast.

Beast, Part 11

christian — Sun, 06 Apr 2008 16:00:04 +0000

Previously, on Beast…

Click here for the penultimate installment of Beast.

Beast, Part 10

christian — Sun, 30 Mar 2008 16:00:30 +0000

Previously, on Beast…

Matt and Diana take the days in stride. Will they find what they’re looking for? Click here to find out.

Beast, Part 9

christian — Sun, 23 Mar 2008 16:00:44 +0000

Previously, on Beast…

…and morning finally comes. Click here for part 9 of Beast.

Beast, Part 8

christian — Sun, 16 Mar 2008 16:00:56 +0000

Previously, on Beast…

What goes ‘bump’ in the night? Click here to find out.

Beast, Part 7

christian — Sun, 09 Mar 2008 16:00:09 +0000

Previously, on Beast…

Being in a small and remote town, Diana now faces the consequence of the previous night. Click here for part 7.

Beast, Part 6

christian — Sun, 02 Mar 2008 16:00:16 +0000

Previously, on Beast…

Did the bestial guardian of the town finally give in to its dark nature?!? Click here for part six of Beast.

Beast, Part 5

christian — Sun, 24 Feb 2008 16:00:21 +0000

Previously, on Beast…

Matt checks up on Diana the following morning. All seems well until Brenda tells them of distressing news. Click here for part five of Beast.

Beast, Part 4

christian — Sun, 17 Feb 2008 16:00:03 +0000

Previously, on Beast…

Diana and Brenda are being hassled by the local thugs and Diana’s spunk gets them in trouble. Who will save them now? Click here to find out.

Beast will now update on Mondays.